Have you ever felt like everything is falling apart? Or like you’re sinking into quicksand, and there’s nothing to hold onto?
It just happened to me.
Let me back up a little.
About five years ago, I wrote down all the qualities of my ideal guy. I filled the front and back of an index card, and stuck it to my bulletin board. Over the years, I’ve pulled it out and read it from time to time. By now, the index card is faded and tattered, but all thequalities I wrote down on that date still apply.
Last year, out of the blue, unexpectedly, the crazy thing is…Mr. Right showed up.
Except he came with some unexpected qualities too: a funny accent, a lot of free time (he’s retired), and a deep desire to serve. Like, shovel the driveway, make my coffee, help with my laundry, clean the kitchen, do household repairs, and…the list goes on and on.
Sounds great, right?
Except it wasn’t.
(I know, weird.)
See, since my divorce, I’ve spent the last nine years learning how to take care of myself. I don’t need anyone. I’m completely independent. I solve problems on my own or find theright someone who can help me. I don’t want to be taken care of; I have a lot of pride that I can take care of myself.
In other words, Mr. Right is totally wired to serve others, and I’m totally wired to take care of myself.
This extreme polarity has been the one single point of contention in our relationship.
Index card be damned; for a minute, it felt like Mr. Right might be Mr. Wrong.
We were both uncomfortable, raw, and confused.
It was the breakdown that led to the breakthrough.
We started having tough conversations, saying hard things, and revealing what we both needed. We opened ourselves up to change, and as a result, we’ve both shifted. We are now tending to our relationship with intention instead of by default. The relationship feels juicy and poised for more growth. We feel stronger and more committed to each other than ever.
We’re making adjustments:
- I’m learning how to accept help and find the places where I can let go of control.
- He’s learning where he can step back instead of always stepping forward.
- We are learning to trust that we are both deeply committed to the other.
There’s always a breakdown before the breakthrough.
P.S. If you’re going through a big transition where it feels like everything is breaking down, request a free consultation to see if my new program “Wipe the Slate Clean” is a good fit for you. It’s perfect if you’re ready to create a new beginning.